What is Grief?

Grief is feeling guilty because we did not stop death, could not revert death, and cannot change death. - author unknown.

Tracy left me notes before he went to work. One of the last notes before he went on disability said "You keep me going".

Did he know that I was losing hope? Did he know that I was not sure that we would make it to the Cleveland Clinic? Or that if we did make it that the doctors would take one look at how sick he was and say there was no way he would be put on the list? Did he not want to go back to the hospital because he did not want to or did he know that I did not want him to be there? That I could not take another day with the staff at Cayuga Med. Did he not want to go the long term nursing care because he did not want to go or because he knew that I did not want him there? Did he give up because he felt like I was giving up? Did I stop "keeping him going"?