One month on April 3

The one month anniversary of the death I was going to try hard to do something other than laying around in my husband's clothes.

Try to focus on something positive about this day (the one month anniversary of when my heart was ripped from my very soul). It was a beautiful day. I did get my husband's midlife crisis BMW convertible out of hibernation for the winter and put the top down. I thought my husband (he in my heart) and I could take a ride. Turned on the radio and what was playing.....SongBird by Fleetwood Mac. He played that on his guitar and sang for me on our wedding night. Okay I can still do this. It can still be a good day.

We had chinese for dinner and they gave us 4 fortune cookies instead of 3. That really hurt also as if the random chinese place knew that we were missing a person. That's fine though, I can still do this.

We 'gave' the extra to my husband and put it in his spot. When we read it it said "you are now a peaceful man". Okay still working on doing this and the day will be over soon.

Before my husband died we got these cards for Christmas that are called table topics. The website describes it as 'intriguing, funny, enlightening, thought provoking questions to help make connections with teens, friends, family". I am sure if you have teenagers you can almost hear the groans that accompany me bringing out the cards produce :). But I thought it was fun. We had not taken the cards out since my husband died. The question that was randomly selected was "is there only one soul mate for each person" That was it. I resign.

Do you ever feel like that God is just messing with you?

It seems like staying in bed in my husband's clothes all day works better.