A Bereaved Person's Wish List

Author unknown

1. I wish my husband hadn't died. I wish I had him back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my husband's name.
My husband lived and was very important to me. I need to
hear that he was important to you also.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my husband
I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me. My
husbands death is the cause of my tears. You have talked
about my husband, and you have allowed me to share my
grief. I thank you for both.

4. I wish you would not remove my husband pictures,
artwork, or other remembrances from you home.

5. Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so I wish you
wouldn't shy away from me. I need you now more than ever.

6. I need diversions, so I want to hear about you, but, I also
want you to hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry,
but I wish you would let me talk about my husband, my
favorite topic of the day.

7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know
that my husband's death pains you, too. I wish you would
let me know these things through a phone call, a card or
note, or a real big hug.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six
months. These first months are traumatic for me, but I wish
you could understand that my grief will never be over.

9. I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or
"be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so
don't frustrate yourself.

10. I don't want a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me
grieve. I must hurt before I heal.

11. I wish you understood how my life has been shattered. I
know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm
feeling miserable. Please be patient with me as I am with you.

12. I wish you knew that all grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming
sadness are all to be expected. So please excuse me when
I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky.

13. Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice.
However, a day is too much and too fast for me right now. I
wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an
hour at a time.

14. Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent.
Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to
get off. When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a
quiet place to spend time alone.

15. I wish very much you could understand - understand my
loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my
pain. But I pray daily that you will never understand.