Dear Dr. Law,
This is Tracy's wife.
In the last few days Tracy said a few times that he thought he was dying. I of
course have no way to know if he was just confused, just really did not feel
good or if the dying do realize that they are dying. I was hoping at the time
(and still wish to believe) that he was just talking.
When his heart rate returned to normal early this morning, I assumed that we had
got through the worst of it and we would return to some kind of semblance of
normal. He is still very sleepy and not wanting to wake up and no one is really
trying to get him to wake up. I imagine he is quite tired of all that he has
gone through not only these past few days but these past several months. I did
think however that once he woke up and the antibiotics had a chance to work on
the pneumonia that we would indeed go home and I did not see us staying in the
hospital for too long.
The nurse who was on duty throughout the night spoke to me this morning and I am
now no longer all that hopeful. She suggested that I ask about a PICC line to
be able to administer meds and possibly TPN. She also asked what our thoughts
were on ventilators, chest compression and the like. She also said I should ask
someone if he should be transferred to Strong. I got the impression from her
that she did not think he would be coming out of this.
It is my deepest hope and desire that Tracy can continue to live a life with
dignity and joy. It is also my desire that his life not be prolonged if there
is no hope for a future with a quality of life. I am not ready to accept and do
not know that I will ever fully be ready to accept that we have no more options.
But, more than anything I want to do what is right for Tracy.
Tracy views you not only as his doctor but his partner in his health. He has
the greatest respect for you as do I.
I do not understand why that the doctors at Strong seems to be dragging their
feet with regards to the lung transplant. It is possible that some of that is
due to Tracy himself and he not really wanting a lung transplant. He wants to
live but does not want to accept that the transplant is the only option. I can
not tell if Strong is dragging their feet because they do not realize how sick
he is or if a transplant really is not an option for him.
I guess what I am wanting from you is an honest assessment of where we are.
What is your best judgment of what the next few days hold for us? Is there
still reason to hope? Tracy and I are both weary of illness, but I want to
believe there is reason to think that he will get over this hurdle just like he
has his past hurdles. I also want to know if that is not our reality.
Thanks,
Mica
